5/2 Third Trimester

May 2, 2018 | 27 weeks

From the way that perinatologist talked about my baby's kidney disease, I honestly did not think I would make it through the month of March, let alone April, and still be pregnant. But here we are in May, and I'm still pregnant. I'm 27 weeks along, entering into my 3rd trimester. I remember, with every other baby of mine, what a milestone this was. The 3rd Trimester. The Home Stretch. Almost there! What feelings of joy & relief would normally accompany this news. But this pregnancy is not normal, and instead of feeling that hopeful expectation, I just feel a little stunned right now.

We're far enough away from that initial diagnosis, and still far enough away from my due date (Aug 2), that this all kind of feels surreal right now. Is this really going to happen? Is this baby really going to die? We've been so filled with joy these last few days, and everything has been so peaceful. Calm before the storm, maybe, but we have been enjoying it all. We have been experiencing a bit of normalcy, and it has been really nice.

At my last appointment with the OB, I shared a lot of my fears with her but, after talking through it all, came home with such a sense of peace. I don't need to worry about what will happen if I make it to 38 weeks with a breech baby who has a swollen abdomen and zero amniotic fluid and all the other possible complications I can imagine. I am taking it one step at a time, one day at a time, one appointment at a time. It's as much as I can manage.

What a miracle that baby is still alive inside of me after all this time, despite the deadly prognosis, and despite the harsh conditions inside the womb. I marvel.