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6/30 The First Month

June 30, 2018 | 1 Month

I walked through a fatal diagnosis & am now on the other side of it. The doctors were right. Our baby Mila did die. May 31st. It was the saddest, most painful experience of our lives. But we are not alone. The Lord is near to the broken-hearted (Psalm 34:18), and He surrounded us with a whole army of support, and with many other broken, bereaving mamas who came alongside me to understand me, encourage me, and give me practical wisdom for the hardest journey of my life.

Praise God, we made it through the first month.

Some friends came over for a couple of hours this week. I haven't felt very social at all. Being back at church was hard. And I knew seeing local friends again, starting up music classes again, and going back to our regular life would be hard. I didn't want to just resume all our normal activities & pick up where we left off as if nothing ever happened. I have to remind myself that just because we're returning to all of our former activities doesn't mean that we're ignoring all that happened with Mila. It's a hurdle I need to push myself to get over. In the end, it was nice to have company again.

I feel like I'm ready for true healing to take place. I can visualize what I want life to look like, but I don't necessarily know how to get there. I want to be able to enter a room with a smile on my face again. I want to make jokes and laugh again. I know the direction I want/need to go in, and I am trusting the Lord to continue carrying us through.

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