I didn't check baby's heartbeat yesterday, because I thought I finally felt some wiggling and kicking. I'm thankful for those signs of life.
I checked this afternoon, though, and I don't know if it was just the time of day or the position I was in or what, but I had trouble finding a heartbeat & when I did, it was a little slower than the usual 143 bpm we've been hearing.
I didn't think I would still be pregnant at 26 weeks, but here I am & here baby is, and I was just getting used to the idea of baby being around for a little while longer. We've got a new normal going, listening to the heartbeat every day. It's our way of checking in on baby and baby's way of saying hello. I was prepared to keep that going for at least a few more weeks. I'm actually a little scared right now. Nervous, Worried. I'm not even sure what the right word to use is. Panicked?
I'm not ready to walk that road yet. I'm not ready to see all of our plans put into motion. I'm not ready to say goodbye.