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5/8 A Great Ultrasound

May 8, 2018 | 28 weeks

I had a great ultrasound and appointment this morning. This is now my 4th ultrasound with this pregnancy. The first ultrasound was disappointing, because we were not expecting that bad news. The second ultrasound was just sad, because the bad news was confirmed. The third ultrasound was hard, because I was hoping for some good news but instead received the same hard news. With each of these previous ultrasounds, I went in very "hopeful" & then experienced the disappointment of the painful reality we're facing, which threw us in a funk for the first few days afterwards.

This ultrasound was not great because of the news we received, but simply because of the way it went. I went in hoping to just bond with baby. I realize these ultrasounds may be our only chance to see baby alive, and I want to cherish them. So with that in mind, it was a great ultrasound. Everything I hoped and prayed it would be. Aaron came with me, and I explained to the tech what we wanted out of this ultrasound: that we understand the situation and just want to see our baby alive and bond with baby as much as possible. She totally facilitated, and we got to just sit and watch baby for as long as we wanted.

I really want to bond with this baby but I hardly get any baby kicks/wiggles/movement, so I often don't even feel pregnant, and then I feel like I'm not loving my baby enough. Even in the 15 minutes or so that we sat and stared at baby, the most activity we saw in baby was one kick & the mouth closing a few times (baby's mouth kind of hangs open). Since baby doesn't really move at all, our only signs of life, usually, are the daily heartbeat check & these monthly ultrasounds, but I truly felt like we got a chance to bond a little bit more with baby today. 

Baby still has a strong steady heartbeat of about 150 bpm. I don't have any amniotic fluid left (I haven't had any since about 20 weeks), but baby continues to grow little by little. Baby's overall measurements are still 2 weeks behind, except for the swollen abdomen, which measures right on track at 28 weeks. And baby still has some excess fluid around the heart. The doctor estimates that baby weighs about 2 lbs now. 

Aaron got to meet my doctor for the first time today. She expressed again just how supportive she was, and we discussed some more of my fears regarding the labor and delivery. She took the time to explain to us the pericardial effusion (fluid around baby's heart), and she eased our fears once again.

I'm extremely thankful for how today went and praying for grace & strength for the next 2 weeks until my next appointment, not allowing myself to worry about all the what ifs if I make it to term & have complications delivering, but just enjoying the time we have with our precious little one.


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