Today was a hard day as a family. I want the kids to be sensitive, kind, compassionate people, and I'm hoping and praying that the Lord is accomplishing that in them through the death of their baby sister, but they're not always sensitive...they're still children, and I need to be graciously aware of that.
Today I asked for help emptying the dishwasher, and none of my older 3 kids wanted to help, and they resorted to bickering. I was a little angry, but more than anything else I was sad. Disappointed. Don't they see what Mommy is going through right now? Don't they know how hard this is? Do they get it? Do they even care? Why don't they ever come give me a hug and ask me how I'm doing?
I was afraid for our family. Will this be something that binds us closer together or wedges us apart? I guess it all depends on how we deal with things. I remember after our first baby who died in the womb last year. Aaron and I discovered that we had some things we needed to work on in our marriage. Sadly, I'm discovering that we have some things to work on as a family.
But they're just kids, and they don't handle grief like a mature adult would. When I was 8, my friend's mom died. I remember crying at night in my bed, but then the next day I went back to doing my 8-year-old stuff, and I probably never really thought much more about it. My kids are grieving in their won ways, and I need to pay attention to how that might play out. But they're just kids, and they need me to be Mommy to them.
These are opportunities to share with them and grow together as a family. I pray that we would grow together and not apart through this gut-wrenching season.